Captive, he was pulled, undone, his angst gripped tight his heart Swiftly, his tears dissolved into her darkening hues of night Ragged his face, thin weakly limbs, a forlorn, dreadful sight Should have, should have, should- have seen it from the very start The stars had come out like lamplights that once upon a dark- Above thick canopy floating, they lit up three lobed leaves- Through branches, through the fireflies- he'd flitting flash perceived So innocent he'd been that night- mere children's game, a lark Net swinging after glittering tail- on sudden, silly whim Surprised, the boy uncupped his hands- saw sparkling gaseous star Unscrewing lid, he beckoned it- float up into the jar Entranced, he felt light warmth pour in- and overflow his brim Years, years rolled by, and bliss kept out his pervading sorrows Always, always, there for him, for- him, for- no one else He watched her growing and reddening and- kept her to himself When both blazed-gone, none saw a thing- she'd swallowed his morrows
H/T @Yassy
Well, stub my behind, Ben. Someone has ummm been holding out artistically it seems!!! Mental note made! Well done, Poet.
you’re very sweet π³
And a humble and disarming reply. Ha! I create a few fireflies and you casually lob a poetic grenade.
π
β‘ Perfect
…β‘β‘β‘…
thank you π
Yeah, Ben, what’s all this about now… I mean you can’t be this outrageously brilliant!! I forbid you… π.. Jokes aside, superbly narrated. β€πΉ
Diana, thank you!
Nice!
Thank you kindly, Shira! π
Wonderful poem Ben ππ€
Srikanth – thank you! π
Can it be, off course it is true, right there in front of you early on a Monday morning. iI just made myself a cup of coffee, open your mail and what i dread the most is before me, an outrageously beautiful design in poetry. The suit fits perfectly, starched, shirt, straight tie and shiny shoes, and despite the content there the model stands with a beautiful broad smile, the arm of a dazzling gown slipped limply but confidently through his arm. Dressed to the nines, groomed to step out for the dance. The rhythm is there, the abba that can support any romantic love dance, is it a tango, waltz or cha cha cha? Or just a slow.
The metaphor, fireflies caught up in a jar, the bliss, the doubt and the fall, …..
Time for the next cup of coffee, and the conversation, how i labour over the seventh day of the month and the word which came my way.
ABVR, I have to say – your words are very kind… but also… they seem very poetic to me- perhaps you’re hiding something? ποΈ
Well that is a dear compliment ben, I find this quality in many a poet and their writing.
I was being serious, you know.
Serious about me hiding something….it was about me deciding on the way to respond and chose this route. If I were more technically astute in the language and structure of poetry I’m sure i would use that language. One needs to study these things so there is a dent in my thinking to appraise beautifully structure poetry like yours…..that’s it.
I don’t entirely agree… I’ve never studied these things. I’ve been finding that the best poetry is often the immediate expression of one’s heart and mind.
Yes, that is another form…. like a page unbounded or flung loose and freed
see? the way you write is poetic!
I love those fleeting moments, when i can catch it, and dip it in ink before they quickly disappear. Thank you.
Wow! What a poem!! Your inspiration always inspires me, David. Thanks!
Thank you, KKβ£
Wonderfully done. Bravo, David. Your quill is creatively beautiful π€©
I cannot overstate how much you inspired this piece and how much your poetry inspires me in general, Yassy.
You are a nice guy , Ben. There is so much kindness in you .. itβs heart warming. Your thoughtfulness inspires me . I am grateful to you . Be safe . Be well you and your family.
π
It’s really good…
thanks so much, E. I’m so touched that you visited me.
I’ve some headspace now so of course I did!
hooray for headspace! π₯³
Genuinely moving. π€
That is such a special compliment! Thank you!
Ben, this is an exceptional piece. You took my breath away. Your words are atmospheric. They draw you in. They settle in your heart.
Perhaps is this “Ragged his face, thin weakly limbs, a forlorn, dreadful sight
Should have, should have, should- have seen it from the very start”
or perhaps this
” Years, years rolled by, and bliss kept out his pervading sorrows
Always, always, there for him, for- him, for- no one else”
This poem is more than I can describe. It speaks to me at a level that I am not sure I fully understand (in the best sense here). It engraved itself in my soul. It will remain in my soul.
What a masterpiece.
It’s not a competition, but this is among the most touching comments that I have had the pleasure of receiving. Thank you, Gabriela. Your words and support mean a great deal to me. β€
My pleasure Ben. I am still staring at my screen. Your poem is on. What an incredible piece.
Dramatic, flowing writing!
Thank you, Ashley!
In terms of the flow, I just kept on reading it to myself over and over again as I was writing… Suffice it to say that this went through a fair amount of tweaking βπ»
Wonderful!πβ€οΈ
Thank you so very much!
through the fireflies- he’d flitting flash perceived …..
Beautiful
π₯° I take that as a huge compliment coming from you. Thank you.
You write with such honesty. Thank YOU
π
Your poetic voice is original, descriptive, and delightful. π
Thx so very much, Michele β€
BTW, your poem about the jars gave me part of the idea for this piece.
I love that! π Thank you.
π
I am jealous of your artistic stature. Wonderful it is. Take my bowπ
that’s very, very sweet of you. Thanks, Ursa!
I mean it π
I really appreciate it. π
Dear ben Alexander,
Your warm words and treasured memories of your beloved father never cease to touch my heart and bring tears to my eyes. I wish that you would publicize your beautiful words into a book form so that readers across the universe may have a share in your cherished memories. God has blessed you with a great gift of writing. Please continue to share it with all of us Good health and long years of life from your devoted friend and admirer.
Esor Ben-Sorek, Ph.D
.
Well, I don’t have any awards for my essays on the wall of my home, but I do enjoy moving my hands across my keyboard and seeing what comes of that! π
Thank you for the compliment, Dear Person.
Shavuah Tov.
David
The last line- she swallowed his morrows- *deep and paints a picture
Thank you π you are very sweet.
The pleasure is all mineπ