‘Stepping Off the Sidewalk’ – a d’Verse poetics prompt
Epigraph:
Ask no questions of the moth in the candle flame…
Attar (c. 1145 – c. 1221)
fans flames of sheer with gossamer notes
burn dark bright through seared clear words crisp
lick searching for hell's deep heights of
verse parches air thin burning with
a yearning melody leaves shivering all
it warms sighs crying elegies fierce
flashing flaring fiery forms
doomed desperate winged pleadings pierce
At d’Verse, we were asked to write a spiritual-mystical poem using a line from a list of several. We were allowed to use the line as an epigraph at the beginning of the poem. I chose the line written by Attar as my epigraph.
This is interesting
Here at the ‘Skeptic’s Kaddish’, we take ‘interesting’ as the highest compliment! 🤓
Thanks!
David
Here in FF’s brain; we say “interesting” as an extremely high compliment! (especially literary art)
Thank you so much, Sir FF!
I am honored to have been knighted by your sword of creative prowess!
FF is truly honored. May you never get sand in your sandals; SIR Benjamin Alexander!
FF, it’s confusing, I know, but ‘ben Alexander’ actually means ‘son of Alexander’ in Hebrew. (in Arabic, ‘son’ is ‘ibn’.)
My first name is actually David, and my father’s name was Alexander… so I go by ‘ben Alexander’ here on WP because my Papa’s death led me to create this blog, and I write in his memory.
Sincerely,
David
I graciously appreciate the clarification, you are well respected friend! I am enlightened, thank you!
🤗
Outstanding 👏👏👏
Thank you, G.! ❤
My pleasure. It’s really great to read you 🌹
😳
I can hear the beating of wings in this piece – every line compact with a beat and some punchy internal rhymes too
“beating doomed pleading to be consumed”. Great title too – it hangs in the air like a question.
So glad you could join in.
[Hanukkah Sameach!]
Thank you, Laura❣
-David
I don’t usually read a lot of poetry… except for school or selected authors… because well…they all go above my head 😂😅..
But I really like the way you pen it down!🥰
Ashmita –
Consider me honored to be read by you 🙂
I really appreciate you taking the time!
-David
No problem 😊
Awww… This is too good to read. Well penned David. 👏
Thank you very, very much 🙂
d’Verse has definitely been pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone!
-David
Wow! Once again a masterpiece!!
You’re very kind, Kaushal. Thank you.
I would not imagine a moth in a candle flame would take too kindly to questioning. Or indeed to be able to form much of an answer. I shall read the original Persian poem for greater illucidation. Perhaps that is your point. Agony, destruction, death, futility.
Anthony, can you read the poem in its original? I don’t know Persian at all 😦
-David
Would that I could! No, sadly not. But even in translation I find Rumi and others breathtakingly beautiful. And you are right…. Absent “revelation” on a personal level through mysticism, hope is all we have got.
Much clearer now I have read the original. Incredibly moving and profound. I adore sufi poems and can now make a better guess at your meaning. Interesting. All will be revealed but only at the cost of physical death. Transcendance to a better realm. Here’s hoping.
Indeed… isn’t hope all we really have?
-David
Indeed it is. Sadly.
You’ve told the moth’s tale so well here with this stream-of-consciouness style writing. I like this style and how you have interpreted the prompt.
Thank you very much, Ingrid! You know, at first, I was trying to make this particular poem more… ordered – but it just wasn’t working for me so I gave up and let the lines decide themselves 🤷
-David
I like where the quote took you. Well-penned.
Thank you, Beverly! d’Verse has really been pushing the boundaries of my writing comfort zone in a very positive way 🙂
-David
Our Minds the Wick
Words the moth
Fleeting, wings beating
Feeding the light
A brief rite, then
Swallowed by the night
🤯
That’s – wonderful. I’m honored to have your poetry on my blog, Rivr.
Thank you!
David
🙂
Strong piece Ben, and I liked the alliteration.
Thanks so much, Rob! Alliteration is lots of fun for me, I confess 🙂
All best,
David
It almost feels that the purpose of moths is to burn.
Yep!
Not everything that mesmerizes should be experienced.
No. This experience is not one that I would wish upon anyone, Debi, but there are those who do live through something similar.
Thanks for sharing your reflection 🙂
All best,
David
Those little doomed desperate winged creatures would be honored if they knew you wrote a poem about them. They would bask in recognition for only a moment though, before becoming fiery forms. 😀 Well done, David.
Pun not intended. haha
Michele,
It seems to come naturally for you 🙂
Yours,
David
That too might only last a minute before they drift into my bug zapper! ⚡⚡
❤
David
Wow, this was written so well! It was very descriptive and and intriguing! I especially loved the second line, “burn dark bright through”
dVerse has some amazing prompts!
Thank you, IT 🙂
d’Verse has really been expanding my horizons, in terms of style and subject… It’s great!
-David
Of course! Please call me D. IT refers to Pennywise😂
Sure 🙂
I meant I-ntroverted T-houghts!
-David
Thank you! Yes, I realised that. I have been called IT quite a few times because of my rather long pen name.
❤
I came close to choosing this line, realize now I would not have composed a poem as lovely as yours.
Wow, Helen – that is one heck of a compliment. 😳 Thank you so much!
-David
Hello Ben thank you for liking the comment I left on Luna’s blog concerning female rage. I have left two more comments there. For me this is one of those issues I feel so strongly about that I do not mince words nor take prisoners.
I’m totally with you, David.
Yours,
David
Thank you!
Doomed and pleading to be consumed….very powerful visual here..almost painful to read and imagine David!
|Interesting, a feel the soul of Poe in this one, who by the way, was my go-to writer when I was 11 after my father’s death. love the parade of f sounds in line 7. It all rolls off the tongue, when recited out loud.
Originally, I sort of had a concept of the moth being the cause of the never-ending flames, which represent its grief… but I think the poem went in a somewhat different direction.
What can you do? 🙂
-David
Smiles, poems and characters take on a life of their own…We might start thinking we are writing something, but the more we write. we see, we are not entirely in control…as you say, What can you do? Then, there is the interpretation of each reader, which is also a phenomena..that I actually love.
Yeah, it’s actually quite fascinating. I could see somebody doing a Ph.D. study of what it means for words to have lives of their own and how they speak differently to different people 🙂
David, you’ve turned the butterfly on her ear and spun her up in her shining doomed magnificence. If her going warms others, all the better. The title sets the stage as does the image. You slam-dunked the prompt!
Your compliments are very kind, Lisa 🙂
Thank you!
David
You’re welcome.
I have often watched and wondered at moths circling light. When I read your very atmospheric poem, the thought crossed my mind that we are all a bit like the moth. We endlessly circle things we think we want, but they have the potential of destroying us. Loved your poem, David! 🙂
Thanks so much, Cheryl ❤
Well I wanted to pick a favorite line but I can’t. They all so beautifully work. The beginning and the ending are gorgeously visual and the middle supports the beginning and ending. What more can you ask for in a piece. Lovely work. Hugs 🤗 Joni
Thank you for the very kind compliment, Joni. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.
All best,
David
My pleasure my friend. Your poem was visual stunning and your use of descriptive words brilliant.
שיהיה לכם סוף שבוע ושבת מבורכת וחנוכה ❤️🦋
You’re so sweet, Joni!
Thank you,
David
🤗💕❤️
Very nicely done David.
Thanks, Dwight!
Yours,
David