First grade for my Israeli daughter

Thank goodness for Israel

Moving [back] to Israel as an adult has had its ups and downs for me, but I can honestly say that I’ve never doubted my decision for one simple reason: our daughter’s Jewish upbringing and education.

I’ve written in the past about the simple comfort and fulfilment of living as a Jew in the Jewish State:

Israeli Jews speak Hebrew, the Jewish tongue. The State’s work week runs from Sunday through Thursday (just like in the Arab states), and its national holidays include all of the Jewish religious holidays…

Even my daughter’s Jewish education is of no serious concern, unlike it would have been elsewhere…

Every moment is a Jewish moment here. The notion of assimilation is… laughable.

A moment of truth

Our daughter will be entering first grade next year.

This means that we will be selecting a school for her and thus making the first of several major decisions governing her education. In Israel, the education system consists of three tiers: primary (grades 1–6), middle school (grades 7–9) and high school (grades 10–12). The major decisions about schooling have to be made for 1st grade and 7th grade.

If any of you would like to know about the different tracks of Jewish education available here in Israel, you can take a look at what I wrote in a previous post of mine; I laid everything out there. As always, if you are curious to know more, I would be happy to answer your questions. However, for the purposes of this post, only two school systems are relevant for us:

  1. State-Secular;
  2. State-Orthodox

Nota bene:

Most people in Israel would translate ‘State-Orthodox’ as: ‘State-Religious’, but this is not quite accurate. For historic and political reasons, the non-Orthodox Jewish denominations (Conservative, Reform, and others) continue to have a very limited footprint in Israel. For this reason, the Hebrew word ‘dati’, which means: ‘religious’ has long come to mean: ‘Orthodox’ in the minds of Hebrew speakers.

However, in reality, an individual could be a ‘religious Conservative’ or ‘religious Reform’ Jew, and(!) one could also be a ‘non-religious Orthodox’ Jew. This is why I more accurately term Israel’s ‘religious’ Jewish schools as: ‘Orthodox’, for they only represent a very limited range of flavors of Jewish religious expression.

This may be a lot to take in for those who are not very familiar with Jewish life and culture, but if you have any questions for me – I will do my best to answer them.

So… our two school options are:


State-secular elementary and high schools provide a general studies education, including a minimal amount of Tanakh (Bible) study. Some of these schools offer a limited Jewish enrichment program.


State-Orthodox elementary and high schools offer a dual curriculum of Judaic and general studies. There is a commitment to both a Torah-observant lifestyle and to the values of religious Zionism.

Our take on Jewish tradition

Despite observing the Sabbath and keeping a kosher kitchen, my wife and I are very non-ideological. We don’t believe that all Jews “have to” follow traditional Torah law. We don’t think that being “religious” or being “Jewish” necessarily makes one “good”. At home, we don’t require our daughter to participate in any religious norms and rituals unless her choices would affect the entire household.

Both of us, having had secular or non-Jewish upbringings, chose for ourselves to live our lives according to Jewish tradition. Our extended families are mostly comprised of non-religious Jews and gentiles, and we embrace them as they are, just as they do us.

Personally, I harbor deep skepticism about the theological underpinnings of all faiths, as well as of the involvement of any supernatural power in our lives. My wife is definitely more of a theist than I am, but she’s very much a pluralist, in the sense that she doesn’t believe that any particular religion has a monopoly on humankind’s access to the Almighty.

Still, for ourselves, we have chosen to live in Israel because we love being Jews. We are proud of our national identity and ancestries. We both find great beauty in many of our rituals and holidays, and we are both reluctant to “throw the baby out with the bathwater” when it comes to Jewish tradition.

Our take on secularism

Neither one of us is uncomfortable with secular life. Most of our friends and family, as it happens, are not religious by their own definitions.

Also, by virtue of our daughter growing up in Israel, it’s highly unlikely that she would marry a non-Jew, which is of concern to me in particular. In principle, therefore, why should it matter how familiar she becomes with Jewish texts and history? Her national identity is essentially guaranteed.

The reality is that the level of ignorance among secular Jewish Israelis on all subjects related to traditional Judaism is very high. They would be, of course, able to navigate the Torah and other historic Jewish texts in their original forms because their fluency in modern Hebrew would enable them to decipher Biblical Hebrew and its later incarnations… but they usually don’t care to do so.

Sadly, we live in a very polarized and reactionary world, and this is no less true of religion than it is of politics. State and religion are not separate in Israel and infringe upon the lives of its secular citizens, and Orthodoxy is broadly accepted in Israeli society as the “one true faith”, so many secular Israeli Jews are turned off to Judaism as a historic way of life. By virtue of living in Israel, they are members of a predominantly Jewish society and participate in what one might call “social” religion, but I dare say that for most of them, being Jewish in the Jewish State is not so much their choice as their default.

Now, I well know that this is a controversial thing to say, and there are plenty of people who will disagree with me. And, yes, I am aware of the growing trend among some young secular Israelis to study traditional Jewish texts and incorporate Jewish rituals into their lives. Still, I maintain that this is a tiny minority in Israel, and I believe that my perspective is borne out in the curriculum taught to secular Israeli school children, which contributes to their general ignorance of traditional Judaism.

But, but…

But the Orthodox schools are run by Orthodox Jews.


I cannot speak to other religious communities, but I assume that the following also holds true outside of the Jewish world: Jewish religious schools are operated by and taught by people who are more religiously conservative and less favorably predisposed towards secularism and skepticism than the families who send their children to these schools.

Prayer is obligatory, girls are required to wear skirts, classes are only co-ed until 4th or 6th grade, and the Torah is taught to the students as the undeniable Truth, rather than as a historical cultural document.


Now, luckily for us, we live in Jerusalem. Living here is expensive, but there are great advantages, including a wider range of religious communities than can be found in many other places throughout Israel. This means that several of the local Orthodox schools are somewhat religiously liberal, given the communities that they serve. This means that in our neighborhood we are not the only ones with one foot firmly planted in the non-religious world. This means that teachers are somewhat more prepared for students and parents to push back on them.

We’ve done our research, and it seems that there are three or four Orthodox schools in the area that are open-minded enough for our tastes. That is exactly the number of schools we are required to register for, so we are not left with any flexibility (outside of Jerusalem, we would have even fewer suitable alternatives, if any at all). Hopefully these schools are good enough. Hopefully our daughter will be okay.

Providing what we cannot give

Ultimately, parents supplement their children’s school educations, and the reality is that we cannot give our daughter the substantive Jewish education that we never received ourselves.

That is what it comes down to.


51 thoughts on “First grade for my Israeli daughter”

  1. I think you are doing absolutely the right thing, for what little my opinion is worth, and I hope she has a wonderful time starting school! How exciting for you all!

  2. This post popped up on my feed as something I may want to read. It was very interesting and so different than here on the west coast of the US. I felt a huge disadvantage of not knowing more about my religion growing up. You are giving your daughter a wonderful basis on which to decide her beliefs.

    Why am I not surprised? LOL

    1. Thank you so much, Lauren. You’re very kind. The most precious and special thing for me about living in Israel is precisely my daughter’s Jewish education, identity, and pride.


      1. I understand that completely. It is a further testament to your family goal of having a real Jewish identity. I admire that you have not only researched the best options for your daughter, but also are open to her finding her own path. Both are qualities that not a lot of parents give thought to. Typically it is proximity and now of course scores.

  3. I found your post most interesting! It is great to get a glimpse into Jewish life and your adaption into it. Schools are very important in our children’s lives, but I believe the parental influence if they are a family unit, will set the tone for her values and directions for life. I hope you find your choice to be very satisfactory for you.
    My question for you is, How does practicing Jewish tradition while being secular hold meaning for you, in that the traditions are faith based and God oriented.

    1. How does practicing Jewish tradition while being secular hold meaning for you, in that the traditions are faith based and God oriented.

      Dwight, it may be [understandably] odd, but I don’t identify as secular. I identify as a very traditional Jew who feels most comfortable in Modern Orthodox religious settings.

      I wrote a bit about the answer to your question here:

      Does that clarify things for you? Or make things more confusing?


      1. This is helpful in understanding where you are coming from. I can identify with your skepticism. I have always been one to ask a lot of questions about Christianity and its Biblical beliefs, and yet I am not about to leave the faith because of unanswered questions. I find it stimulating to dialogue with people on things that often have not firm answers. Having been brought up in the Christian faith I can understand how your Hebrew school upbringing has implanted a lot of “at home feelings” that one does not simply throw out. I to believe that what we believe and practice should result in actions reflected in our everyday life and practice.
        Thank you for your interesting posts.

  4. Great discussions yu have engendered, David ben Alexander. Your father would be proud for your thinking the matter through even if he might totally agree. As you know, much education comes at home, and I know you and Margo will nurture Liorah very much, no matter where she is. Love to you all.

    And hey, 10% non traditional Jews not so bad. More than the total proportion of Jews is the US.

      1. Well, I don’t think a lot of people consider religion. They’re mainly concerned about the cost and how far the school is, the quality of education and all. We do have a lot of schools that are religion-oriented but parents don’t really mark it down as an essential aspect. I go to a convent school and there are non-Christian students here as well because this school was the most convenient for them. It’s usually the management that gives the school a religious inclination, students are quite diverse and can be from different walks of life.

          1. Yes, I’m a Christian. There’s no indoctrination of any sort but non-Christians can participate in religious events like feasts or the Holy Mass if they want to. No one forces them or tries to impose any religion on them. We all get along pretty well, religion poses no boundaries at all.

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