Beast, or: “Memoir”

Every day he ponders writing; demons, seraphs jostling, fighting
O'er memories alighting, dreams and images of Papa.
  Late at night he sees him living, gentle-hearted and forgiving;
Daily, nightly, he is grieving- for Papa, forever gone.
  As the earth turns, he considers that he'll be forever gone
Naught is left of mind nor brawn.

As the earth's been spinning, turning, one dream has been oft recurring-
Deep in darkness there lies stirring a vile, shifty chimera.
  It's but wishful thinking really, very foolish, rather silly,
Still, through dreamscapes rugged, hilly, slinks that taunting chimera.
  She's unbidden, uninvited, is his taunting chimera-
Forward, forward she is gliding, fed on memories of Papa.

Asleep? Awake? He's kaddish speaking, praying, swaying, then- a creaking-
'Tis the floorboards creaking, squeaking; and behind him stands Papa.
  How, he stammers, have you come here, I've been mourning you all year, Dear
Papa, tell me, can you hear me- can you hear me, Dear Papa?
  Reading, thinking, writing, praying, I've been mourning, Dear Papa...
Aren't you... aren't you... actually... aren't you actually gone?

No, no... you must have forgotten (though you are my first-begotten),
That hospital was naught but rotten; the doctors said I didn't have long...
  But we dismissed their dire prognosis; HaShem reversed the diagnosis-
He gave me life that I'd find gnosis- bid me wear my black kippah.
  So here I am, and you're done praying. May I have back my black kippah?
Please give it here; I'm your Papa.

Dawn break; awake; dripping; sweating. And- then- he knows what's most upsetting- 
All this time he's been forgetting... to lift his phone and call Papa.
  Rising from his restless slumber, lifts his phone and dials the number-
Has he been somewhat unencumbered? ... but Papa's cellphone isn't on.
  The earth's still spinnin' n'a-turnin', but Papa's cellphone isn't on-
Naught's ever left of love forgone.

52 thoughts on “Beast, or: “Memoir””

1. Very moving. Amazing read

   1. Thank you so much!
      -David

2. So intense and touching–the lines about your father’s cell phone not being on really got to me. 💙
   It’s been over twenty years since my dad died and less than a year for my mom. I think of them both a lot.

   1. Merril, it’s so hard. I’m sorry for your loss.

      Yours,
      David

3. Very Moving.

   1. Thank you so much, Katie – I feel encouraged 🙂

      Yours,
      David

4. David, So vivid! Simultaneously heartrending and uplifting. Beautiful! Relatable! A treasure. ❤ Take care.

   1. Thanks so much, Cheryl ❤

5. Your words always leave me moved, David. What you write is not easy…hugs, my friend.

   1. ❤

6. Your poem has a great rhythm, David, a heartbeat to carry the loss of a father.

   1. Thank you so very much, Kim. I really appreciate your support.

      Yours,
      David

7. This is so beautiful and it’s got a lovely, magical rhythm to it, revolving around memories and dreams but seemingly based on the present!

   1. Yeah, D.

      I wrote it 1/2 a year ago… it’s no less true today 😦

      Thank you,
      David

8. So compelling, David. I felt like I was beside you through this.

   1. Thanks so much, Ken. I take that as a high compliment.

      Yours,
      David

9. Your words overwhelm, in a positive way. Thank you for them ……

   1. This poem happens to be one of my favorites of the ones I’ve written 🙂

      Thanks so much, Helen

      -David

10. A moving and heart-rending poem. The words “Papa’s cell phone wasn’t on” were filled with angst. Beautiful write.

    1. Thank you for your kindness, Beverly.

       Yours,
       David

11. There’s a sort of frenzy to this, as if you really needed to speak to your father, as if you knew time was running out. There never is enough time.

    1. ❤