sound mallet through thick skull splatters mind upon cranium on the inside you are disoriented eyes rolling back along with other vowels flipping images back right side up on your retinas flutter eyelids butterflies ascend from your stomach uneasily queasily through shuddering esophagus choking back your tears streaming camera angled at your face it - you can't handle such explosive rush of metaphor
The above poem is my take on d’Verse’s ‘Opening lines…beginnings’ prompt.
d’Verse prompted us to think about find that “best first line” –
- see if you can hook yourself a new reader with upfront vivid images and unusual word use;
- maybe stick with tradition (starting top left) or forge out in a new direction, maybe even a one line, or even a one-word poem;
- perhaps try your hand at some found poetry, make something shapely or striking or something off the fridge;
- or perhaps a poem beginning with a line by a poet who’s provoked or enthralled or charmed or annoyed you (don’t forget to link to the original poem in your post).
What an imagery! Good one!!
Thanks, Kaushal 💝
-David
🖤
💖
Wonderfully gory, visceral, great,
🤮
Yuckily brilliant, David, I feel ill, 😉
🤢
Love the idea, might have to try it, nice work brother, keep it up
Thank you so much 🙂
-David
My mind is still splattered and my eyes rolling! Vivid images for sure, David.
😁
Extremely creative piece, David! Love❤ the imagery in the lines,
“eyes rolling back…up on your retinas..”
Stunning read! Thank you.
🧸 💝
Love the teddy bear emoji. And, you are most welcome. Your poem was an enjoyable read. Have a great rest of your day, David😊
I liked the first line but the last line really hit home for me – that was funny, and I didn’t see it coming!
Alas, I guess I’m still better at endings! Does this mean I screwed the prompt up? 😉
-David
No, the first line was great too 🤩
🙃 🙂
I enjoyed that bop on the head in the first line! The image goes perfect with your words, they are all bright and explosive. I also like the camera angled at our face, taking it all in. This is life, isn’t it? I think I need a drink now! 🍷
Hope you can keep it down, Tricia 😉
-David
You took us down an interesting track on this one… Your opening line just about killed us!! Then it all came together in the end totally unexpectedly. Well done David!
Thanks so much, Dwight 💖
Ok, so much for making my breakfast…
sorry about that 🤡
Metaphors galore, and more!!!! And so creative …. I love this poem.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Helen!
Thank you,
David
This seems to describe quite well a concussion. Is it the voice of experience?!
Interesting question, Beverly – actually – no, I have never had a concussion!
Yours,
David
Made my head hurt! Just joshing you, David. I enjoyed it. 😁
Thanks, Michele – it was fun for me to write!
-David
Chuck Palahniuk wrote a book called, “Lullaby,” about a song, when sung, will kill the listener. Your poem reminds me of it. I’ve tried to work out what the title means, but I can’t. Will you please explain it? (Sorry it’s no fun when you have to explain the punchline, I know…)
Lisa –
All of my poems have the word ‘or’ in the middle – and I use it in different ways with each poem. Sometimes it means that the poem can be given either one of two titles. Sometimes, the or is part of an expression, in which case the entire title works as one. In this case, it’s the first time that I used the ‘or’ as part of a pun – ‘met or four’ sounds like ‘metaphor’ 😀
Yours,
David
Aha! No mystery but punny 🙂
Wow, this was an aweswome mind blowing piece! loved it!❤️
Mission accomplished then!
Thanks, Cindy! 💖
-David
lol!!! you sure did!!!!
👏👏👏👏👏👏
You’re welcome!
Indeed the grotesque will attract attention. What keeps me coming back is the unpredictability!
Muri,
Interesting! Do you mean the unpredictability of the poem? Or the blog?
Yours,
David
blew my mind…(K)
Hooray!
Thanks, Kerfe!
Vow so gripping, David! The first line is a knocker for sure🙂
M Jay,
That is what what I was hoping for 💖
Your opening line certainly hammers home, David, with violent imagery that was unexpected, but I suspected you were playing with an extended metaphor when I read ‘eyes rolling back / along with other vowels’. Clever ending!
Thanks, Kim 🙂
I won’t lie – I was definitely going for “clever” with this one!
💖
David
I couldn’t handle it😂 But as far as I did, I think this was yet another brilliant play with words!
Much love! Thanks, D!
Yours,
David
Not to be insensitive Ben, but, while very gripping, this read very much like a concussion I suffered during a football game. Not a pleasant memory.
Is it wrong of me to be pleased about that? 😈
-David
Great imagery…. A really creative piece. I actually loved the gore 🤣. Enjoyable read 😊🌹
💝 🙏 💝 🙏 💝 🙏
To say that this hit hard, may sound flippant, but it ties well with your own ending.
💥🤛
I take that as a high compliment coming from you, Björn
Thank you very much,
David