sound mallet through thick skull splatters mind upon cranium on the inside you are disoriented eyes rolling back along with other vowels flipping images back right side up on your retinas flutter eyelids butterflies ascend from your stomach uneasily queasily through shuddering esophagus choking back your tears streaming camera angled at your face it - you can't handle such explosive rush of metaphor
The above poem is my take on d’Verse’s ‘Opening lines…beginnings’ prompt.
d’Verse prompted us to think about find that “best first line” –
- see if you can hook yourself a new reader with upfront vivid images and unusual word use;
- maybe stick with tradition (starting top left) or forge out in a new direction, maybe even a one line, or even a one-word poem;
- perhaps try your hand at some found poetry, make something shapely or striking or something off the fridge;
- or perhaps a poem beginning with a line by a poet who’s provoked or enthralled or charmed or annoyed you (don’t forget to link to the original poem in your post).
To say that this hit hard, may sound flippant, but it ties well with your own ending.
💥🤛
I take that as a high compliment coming from you, Björn
Thank you very much,
David
Great imagery…. A really creative piece. I actually loved the gore 🤣. Enjoyable read 😊🌹
💝 🙏 💝 🙏 💝 🙏
Not to be insensitive Ben, but, while very gripping, this read very much like a concussion I suffered during a football game. Not a pleasant memory.
Is it wrong of me to be pleased about that? 😈
-David
I couldn’t handle it😂 But as far as I did, I think this was yet another brilliant play with words!
Much love! Thanks, D!
Yours,
David
Your opening line certainly hammers home, David, with violent imagery that was unexpected, but I suspected you were playing with an extended metaphor when I read ‘eyes rolling back / along with other vowels’. Clever ending!
Thanks, Kim 🙂
I won’t lie – I was definitely going for “clever” with this one!
💖
David
Vow so gripping, David! The first line is a knocker for sure🙂
M Jay,
That is what what I was hoping for 💖
blew my mind…(K)
Hooray!
Thanks, Kerfe!
Indeed the grotesque will attract attention. What keeps me coming back is the unpredictability!
Muri,
Interesting! Do you mean the unpredictability of the poem? Or the blog?
Yours,
David
Wow, this was an aweswome mind blowing piece! loved it!❤️
Mission accomplished then!
Thanks, Cindy! 💖
-David
lol!!! you sure did!!!!
👏👏👏👏👏👏
You’re welcome!