Met, or: Four

Posted on by ben Alexander 
sound mallet through thick skull
splatters mind upon cranium
on the inside
you are 
disoriented
eyes rolling back 
along with other vowels
flipping images back right 
side up on your retinas
flutter eyelids 
butterflies
ascend from your 
stomach uneasily queasily
through shuddering esophagus
choking back your tears
streaming camera
angled
at your face
it - you can't handle
such explosive rush of metaphor

The above poem is my take on d’Verse’s ‘Opening lines…beginnings’ prompt.

d’Verse prompted us to think about find that “best first line” –

  • see if you can hook yourself a new reader with upfront vivid images and unusual word use;
  • maybe stick with tradition (starting top left) or forge out in a new direction, maybe even a one line, or even a one-word poem;
  • perhaps try your hand at some found poetry, make something shapely or striking or something off the fridge;
  • or perhaps a poem beginning with a line by a poet who’s provoked or enthralled or charmed or annoyed you (don’t forget to link to the original poem in your post).

53 thoughts on “Met, or: Four”

  8. I liked the first line but the last line really hit home for me – that was funny, and I didn’t see it coming!

  9. I enjoyed that bop on the head in the first line! The image goes perfect with your words, they are all bright and explosive. I also like the camera angled at our face, taking it all in. This is life, isn’t it? I think I need a drink now! 🍷

  10. You took us down an interesting track on this one… Your opening line just about killed us!! Then it all came together in the end totally unexpectedly. Well done David!

  13. This seems to describe quite well a concussion. Is it the voice of experience?!

  15. Chuck Palahniuk wrote a book called, “Lullaby,” about a song, when sung, will kill the listener. Your poem reminds me of it. I’ve tried to work out what the title means, but I can’t. Will you please explain it? (Sorry it’s no fun when you have to explain the punchline, I know…)

    1. Lisa –

      All of my poems have the word ‘or’ in the middle – and I use it in different ways with each poem. Sometimes it means that the poem can be given either one of two titles. Sometimes, the or is part of an expression, in which case the entire title works as one. In this case, it’s the first time that I used the ‘or’ as part of a pun – ‘met or four’ sounds like ‘metaphor’ 😀

      Yours,
      David

  20. Your opening line certainly hammers home, David, with violent imagery that was unexpected, but I suspected you were playing with an extended metaphor when I read ‘eyes rolling back / along with other vowels’. Clever ending!

  22. Not to be insensitive Ben, but, while very gripping, this read very much like a concussion I suffered during a football game. Not a pleasant memory.

  23. Great imagery…. A really creative piece. I actually loved the gore 🤣. Enjoyable read 😊🌹

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