Luscious, or: Sweet, raw peach juice

A ‘Magnetic Poem’ tanka

Wanna try? Click here.

tongue licks luscious sweat
finger smears sweet, raw peach juice
bared breasts aching, "please"
heaving deliriously
death goddess smells blood in her

Notes

  • For this poem, I decided to return to the ‘Original Set’ on the Magnetic Poetry website;
    • At first, the lack of an obvious theme left me utterly rudderless (other sets include ‘Geek’ and ‘Nature’), but then a number of suggestive sex words jumped out at me so I pulled these out to see what might come of them;
    • However, this set of words left me dissatisfied – it was too easy to paint the picture of a carnal act with them;
    • I wanted to add some sort of a twist so I continued looking through the magnets and chanced upon the word ‘death’, which immediately sent my thoughts flying in the direction of sexy vampires;
  • I again opted for a tanka, rather than a haiku;
    • The extra two lines (14 syllables) provide me with a greater challenge, as well as with a larger canvas for my word-brush;
  • I searched for and found the featured image of the pale, ginger-haired woman with fang marks on her neck after writing the fourth line of the tanka;
    • That was after I had decided to give the poem its unexpected ending.

42 thoughts on “Luscious, or: Sweet, raw peach juice”

  1. I don’t appreciate the vampire art photography. It does gel with the Tanka though.
    But generally not my kinda read. It started out so well.
    I’m a sucker for let me see beneath your beautiful.
    Sorry David…
    Still great composing.

    1. Different strokes for different folks, Abi. I’ve always loved fantasy novels and vampires in particular! ๐Ÿง›โ€โ™‚๏ธ

      Don’t worry though ~ it’s not a theme that I’m going to stick with ~ just something that I decided to play with this time around!

      โค
      David

      1. That’s true…
        You can’t please everyone all the time.
        Freedom is so important for the creative process, the genres are your playground

    1. Molly,

      I must admit that I wasn’t expecting that comment! Thank you! “Fascinating”? Well, I’ll bet the vampire’s prey thought that her lover was pretty fascinating too! ๐Ÿง›โ€โ™‚๏ธ

      Sincerely,
      David

  2. Amazing, David! I enjoyed the twist. A vampire love where only death unites them? Swoon.

    But, seriously, I really did enjoy the turn you took at the end and how it aligns with the poem overall. Very immersing, sensual, and consuming. I would say this is steamy too, but vampires are undead so I donโ€™t think theyโ€™d get too warm. ๐Ÿ˜

    Fantastic poem!

    1. Well, I assume the human’s body was producing heat up until the end! ๐Ÿฉธ

      Thanks so much, Lucy – I really appreciate it. This is definitely not the sort of thing that I usually write, but fantasy books and movies have been part of my identity since my youth! I still remember how much I loved the sexy Anne Rice series – I read every single one of those books!

      โค
      David

  3. That love bite ๐Ÿฆ‡๐Ÿง›!!!
    I went into this thinking there was a vampire set added, but you composed this really well out of a challenging orginal set David, with the steamy paths leading onto the violent twist at the end!

    1. Yeah – I really wish the word ‘vampire’ was in the set – that would have made it so much easier, Deb! Or even – ‘suck’ or ‘drink’ – but… no. I had to work around that ๐Ÿ˜€

      You are very kind.

      Thank you,
      David

  4. It always amazes me the way each person views the same set of words through different filters and comes to unique combinations! This one says more about you than about the magnetic set!

        1. I can’t imagine why, mate, your writing continues to inspire me to write, even when I feel more inclined to be the silent reader I usually am… Okay, maybe I do understand why–you’re a great writer! Still, rather than share this one on my own blog, here you go (with appropriate blushes):

          amorously befuddled
          clever dick Ellingtonโ€”
          fingering grandly her inside
          jealously knowing
          lascivious moans nurture
          orgasms powerfully quiveringโ€”
          regrets speaking timidly
          until veiled wonder
          (e)xcoriates youthful zeal

        2. Ok, that’s just not fair, George. Now you’ve gone and made me look bad! This is so bloody (as I imagine you would say) goodโฃ๏ธ

          Wow’d,
          David

        3. I humbly follow your lead, oh wise and witty mate of mine. Nothing I write could make you look bad. And it took me hours to compose that! Glad you liked it.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s