Feminist, or: Man

A gogyohka

One woman hugged me and said, "You are such a feminist ~
Thank you!" But another woman snarled, "Feminism
is not for men!" and refused to speak with me
ever again. As a feminist, I empathized 
with both women's perspectives.

31 thoughts on “Feminist, or: Man”

  1. I liked the comments a younger man made while watching a 50’s science fiction movie.He said,”Why are the women acting like that?”(They were very subserveant,”supportive-of-the-supperior-male-star”,and acting like they only were in the story to emphasize the more active male stars;more like the 3rd leg ,not as”separate people.)That was very common in movies before the ’60’s.And the younger male viewer noticed the difference in the old SEXUAL ROLES.To him,most females his age had a lot more in COMMON,than differences.The younger females went to college,had to get high grades for a good paying field,and knew they had MANY THINGS IN COMMON with male students.HOWEVER,HOW GIRLS MADE MONEY FOR COLLEGE has changed.Women earn the MOST PAYCHECKS NOW as pole dancers,strippers, and often take THOSE JOBS just to pay for college.
    IT IS STILL ABOUT MONEY–and power.
    TO BE THE HIGHEST FEMALE EARNER IN THE U.S. you need to be young,beautiful,and be a high paid movie actress.But while getting “mature”only makes the male star “experienced,more skilled, even more valuable as an actor,” say,like Leonardo DiCaprio, what does passing the 30 yr. Mark do to Marsha Mason?(well known author’s actress wife.)She is valued as OLD.–too old to be fresh,”fertile”, a MAIDEN, or sexy any more for top actress roles. She has much more trouble getting roles.He gets an Oscar.She gets t.v.This is very telling;young and older people copy the culture of movie stars a LOT.MADONNA just can’t stand getting OLDER.SHE DOES EVERYTHING(plastic) to appear YOUNG. WOMEN do not increase in value,to men ,in culture,its no wonder New Feminists are aroused IN HOLLYWOOD. BUSINESS;to our horror,male lead actors MAKE BIGGER SALARIES THAN FEMALES.
    WE FEMALES won’t be equal until we get it where it counts the most:MONEY AND POWER. MORE FEMALE SENATORS; more women with equal jobs and paychecks in business. You men count money and power in every nation on earth as YOUR MAIN PRIORITY IN LIFE. THAT is real gritty equality. And it is at the very heart of the world’s measuring stick.—THEN you men see us as human beings too.

    1. I agree with this almost entirely, Tara.

      But I don’t think that it’s a matter of men not thinking of women as human, as you put it. That seems like an overstatement to me.

      Also, when you write “you men”, that’s rather a generalization because I, as a man, essentially agree with everything that you’ve written here, and do not accept everything you’ve described here as morally acceptable… so it’s not ALL men – and, FWIW, there are women who accept things the way they are no less than men do.

      All best,

  2. Many don’t understand that feminism is not about gender, but about a way that makes space for all, and about healing the parenting deficit in society that pushes people into categories and boxes.

  3. Feminism is another one of those loaded words…I’m not sure it means anything anymore. Has there been progress towards more equality? Yes. But the entire culture needs to change drastically before a person’s gender doesn’t create assumptions about the kind of human they are or should be. Men are weighed down by those assumptions too. (K)

  4. hmmm…. I don’t think men should men be excluded from feminism. But… the stats on assault and harassment speak for themselves. So I get where she’s (probably) coming from, and why she might see a man calling himself a feminist as… insensitive.
    My boss not long ago said “I’ve realised that women in engineering have a different experience to men” and I was torn between being glad that he’d finally had that revelation, and yelling “no shit, Sherlock!”. So now we have mentoring programs, designed and run by men, to help the women be more like men.

    1. So now we have mentoring programs, designed and run by men, to help the women be more like men.

      yeah – this is also silly. I remember when it was the style for women to have padding on their shoulders under clothing to make them seem bigger (i.e., like men).

      when I was a kid, and my Mom wore those jackets, I never thought about that aspect of it… but in retrospect, it’ s so friggin’ obvious.


      1. lol I remember those shoulder pads too. I used to wear them – you didn’t really have a choice because that was the style at the time and most of the blouses came with them in them.

  5. I’m all for Women’s Liberation,
    so I no longer need to be galant,
    or even a gentleman.
    When women are placed on some
    abstract pedestal, relations are
    decidedly uneven 🤔

  6. I think it should be about equity… not about one sex or one religion or one race or one sexuality or one gender perspective. So while it’s nice that you can empathise, I’m not sure I agree with snarling woman.

    1. I empathize with her in the sense that I can appreciate the degree of trauma that she suffered at the hands of men, which led her to such a conclusion… and to feel that feminism is the only thing remaining to her that “men” cannot control.

      But that’s not the same as agreeing with her, even though I do feel terribly for her.


  7. There are some women who have a very narrow view of feminism. It won’t be until all men are feminists that real change comes and equality is achieved… (just the opinion of a more open minded female feminist)

    1. I share that view. One need not be a Jew to oppose antisemitism. One need not be LGBTQ to oppose homophobia. Why need one be a woman to oppose misogyny and support equal rights and opportunities for women?

      1. Why indeed! I hate all of this polarisation. As Tori Amos said ‘if there’s war between the sexes then there’ll be no people left.’

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