How does one manage to make herself almost-late to school practically every single morning? There are several different steps that one can take towards this goal.
First, and perhaps most obviously, don’t get out of bed on time unless it’s Shabbat or other holiday, which is not a school day. Of course, sometimes you might get out of bed on time simply because it gets boring to return to the same strategies over and over again.
Second, after you pee, walk out into the hallway and start gabbing loudly about completely random things, thereby forcing your parents to drop what they’re doing and usher you back into the bathroom to flush the toilet and wash your hands. Then, continue babbling cheerfully to your reflection in the mirror while holding your dry toothbrush.
Third, get dressed very slowly. For example, take off your pants and sit pantless, looking at your cute little knees, long enough for your parents to point out that you’re wasting time and are running late (once again). Then, on cue, start winding yourself up and insist that they’re hurting your feelings by informing you of the hour. Getting upset, you see, always justifies wasting more time and sitting (or walking around) pantless for even longer.
Fourth, now that you’ve ruined everyone’s mood, including your own, insist that your parents are interrupting you and that you have something very important to say. Cry enough to make it seem that the only reason you’re not articulating your very important thoughts is that you’re simply much too put out to speak.
Once you have mastered these steps, please be in touch with me for further time-wasting and mood-ruining morning strategies.
puppy pulls lips back; nips hand; stiffens in March chill; growls; struggles; calms down sunshine-breeze beckons; puppy hides from leash indoors; buses rattle by
Go Dog Go Cafe’s Haibun Wednesday
- This week’s prompt is to write a haibun about Something Ridiculous.
- From Poetry.org:
- In How to Haiku, Bruce Ross writes, “If a haiku is an insight into a moment of experience, a haibun is the story or narrative of how one came to have that experience.”
Let’s write poetry together!
When it comes to partnership, some humans can make their lives alone – it’s possible. But creatively, it’s more like painting: you can’t just use the same colours in every painting. It’s just not an option. You can’t take the same photograph every time and live with art forms with no differences.–Ben Harper (b. 1969)
Would you like to create poetry with me and have a completed poem of yours featured here at the Skeptic’s Kaddish? I am very excited to have launched the ‘Poetry Partners’ initiative and am looking forward to meeting and creating with you… Check it out!