How does one manage to make herself almost-late to school practically every single morning? There are several different steps that one can take towards this goal.
First, and perhaps most obviously, don’t get out of bed on time unless it’s Shabbat or other holiday, which is not a school day. Of course, sometimes you might get out of bed on time simply because it gets boring to return to the same strategies over and over again.
Second, after you pee, walk out into the hallway and start gabbing loudly about completely random things, thereby forcing your parents to drop what they’re doing and usher you back into the bathroom to flush the toilet and wash your hands. Then, continue babbling cheerfully to your reflection in the mirror while holding your dry toothbrush.
Third, get dressed very slowly. For example, take off your pants and sit pantless, looking at your cute little knees, long enough for your parents to point out that you’re wasting time and are running late (once again). Then, on cue, start winding yourself up and insist that they’re hurting your feelings by informing you of the hour. Getting upset, you see, always justifies wasting more time and sitting (or walking around) pantless for even longer.
Fourth, now that you’ve ruined everyone’s mood, including your own, insist that your parents are interrupting you and that you have something very important to say. Cry enough to make it seem that the only reason you’re not articulating your very important thoughts is that you’re simply much too put out to speak.
Once you have mastered these steps, please be in touch with me for further time-wasting and mood-ruining morning strategies.
puppy pulls lips back; nips hand; stiffens in March chill; growls; struggles; calms down sunshine-breeze beckons; puppy hides from leash indoors; buses rattle by
Go Dog Go Cafe’s Haibun Wednesday
- This week’s prompt is to write a haibun about Something Ridiculous.
- From Poetry.org:
- In How to Haiku, Bruce Ross writes, “If a haiku is an insight into a moment of experience, a haibun is the story or narrative of how one came to have that experience.”
Let’s write poetry together!
When it comes to partnership, some humans can make their lives alone – it’s possible. But creatively, it’s more like painting: you can’t just use the same colours in every painting. It’s just not an option. You can’t take the same photograph every time and live with art forms with no differences.–Ben Harper (b. 1969)
Would you like to create poetry with me and have a completed poem of yours featured here at the Skeptic’s Kaddish? I am very excited to have launched the ‘Poetry Partners’ initiative and am looking forward to meeting and creating with you… Check it out!
79 thoughts on “Give me strength, or: Patience”
This was ridiculously fun David and relatable. .
Late is my middle name and my parents, who passed it on but somehow i broke the dilly dallying with my kids which of course I remember well. i don’t know how I did truly with 4 six and under and my husband leaving work at 4 a.m. everyday and getting them to school on time. Amnesia works well for these times and now i have to pee and should get up but Ollie is snuggled under my arm and well, it’s Fri-yay Funday and I don’t have to. hahaha … 💖🌻🌻🙏💖
🙃 Cindy 🙃
Sounds like your child and mine have been exchanging notes.
🤣 Richard 🤣
Hahahahahahaha i laugh because i have one too 🤣
😀 My daughter’s seven-years-old – how old is yours, Sheri?
She’s 6. And every single day she’s almost if not late for school. I dont know why she takes all her time…like there arent more important things to do such as hurry up
Yes! I mean – seriously! And they know that they’re going to be late! Why not just be responsible? She knows when the school day starts, she knows when she has to wake up, she knows when we have to leave the apartment, etc., etc… Give me a break already! 😉
Hehe! I didn’t have this problem with sons… but coworkers with daughters had it and more. One of the “issues” they dealt with was the sock seam tragedy. In that scenario the seam of the sock was “not right” therefore the shoes could not be worn until the socks seam was fixed. This usually involved multiple pairs of socks and at least 2 pairs of shoes. My mother taught 1st grade and had no qualms about telling us she would send us to school in our pajamas/barefoot/cereal in a baggie/hair ribbons in our pockets etc. It only happened once and never again!!
💕 Muri 💕
I envisioned this as a Dr. Seuss storybook as I read it. Loved every moment of it (especially the gabbling in front of the bathroom mirror with a dry toothbrush)! 🙂
Ha! I could definitely write it that way!
That’s hilarious. I would be good at it. 🙂
💜 Bridget 💜
It sounds like a good strategy. It can come in useful in many life situations.
😂 Molly 😂
Absolutely amazing post, David! You just described me in high school. I missed the school bus on so many mornings! My poor mother drove me about 10 miles to school. I guess your daughter is precocious, having perfected her technique so early! 🙂 This too shall pass!
Like constipation? 😜
Haha! Brings back so many (frustrating) memories. Are all kids using the same tactics and strategies? I think the air and water may be contaminated. Made me smile and thank my stars that I’m out of this phase. Good luck, David. 🙂
🧡🙏🏻 Terveen 🙏🏻🧡
Try getting two girls a year and a half apart in age to get anywhere on time. Even going to a birthday party was a challenge. By the by- I saw this form of poetry today and thought it might interest you.
Thanks, Lauren 😘
I’m familiar with the sijo, but it’s nice to find a new Wednesday poetry prompt! Maybe I will add this to my list.
LOL! We had four daughters and one boy… I could write volumes. This was so darn cute! ❤
Wow! That’s quite a handful, Colleen! I’m wow’d. (what was the age range from youngest to oldest?)
Ronda was 11, Mary 8, Tabitha 6, Amy 3, and Billy was almost a year old when we got married in 1985. My oldest grand-daughter, Alexandria is due in October… I’m going to be a great grandmother… not sure I’m ready for that. LOL! ❤
In April we’ll have been married 37 years. My husband is a 100% disabled veteran. He served 24 years in the Air Force. I only served 4 years, but as a military family, we understand war. Two of our daughters also served. ❤
Forgive my ignorance, but what does that percentage mean? I don’t know how those assessments work.
Oh, sorry. My husband is disabled completely. He receives a pension from the government because of his disability. ❤
I found this video:
It’s clear to me now…. That’s really hard 😦
It’s rough, but we muster on. ❤️