Papa said men should not be swine; He drew a line; Papa said law differs from good; I understood; Papa said I should plan ahead; I lost the thread- Winging my way through life instead; I think back to all he would say, Increasingly... as I turn gray; He drew a line; I understood; I lost the thread.
- Rhyming: a/a / b/b / c/c / c/d/d/c;
- Syllabic: 8/4 / 8/4 / 8/4 / 8/8/8/12
- The first six lines alternate between tetrameter and dimeter;
- The next three are tetrameter;
- The final line consists of: L2, L4, & L6 as a single row.
This ‘Ovillejo’ was written for Colleen Chesebro’s Tanka Tuesday syllabic poetry prompt this week. Writers were encouraged to write syllabic poems, featuring a color.
Let’s write poetry together!
When it comes to partnership, some humans can make their lives alone – it’s possible. But creatively, it’s more like painting: you can’t just use the same colours in every painting. It’s just not an option. You can’t take the same photograph every time and live with art forms with no differences.–Ben Harper (b. 1969)
Would you like to create poetry with me and have a completed poem of yours featured here at the Skeptic’s Kaddish? I am very excited to have launched the ‘Poetry Partners’ initiative and am looking forward to meeting and creating with you… Check it out!
70 thoughts on “Loose threads, or: The needle”
Beautiful, David. 😊
🤎🙏🏻 Gwen, thanks 🙏🏻🤎
I agree with everyone else. I really like this poem.
❤️🙏🏻 Stephanie 🙏🏻❤️
💘 Gabriel 💘 ~ yes, very much so
Law differs from good. I only just learned that. Even if you lose the thread, sometimes you can pick it back up again. Great poem.
💗🙏🏻 Zen 🙏🏻💗 ~ thank you so much
Form? I lost the form as I leapt from line to line! This is better than the form and bigger than the prompt!! I feel this poem in my soul… ❤
🥰🙏🏻 Muri 🙏🏻🥰
Excellent job on this form, David!
💕🙏🏻 Sara 🙏🏻💕
Sometimes winging it is the better way to go. Learning from our mistakes is not easily forgotten. Superb job on the form.
🤍🙏🏻 Eugi 🙏🏻🤍
oh i loved the flow and return of “thread” to this well woven poem David💞
❤ thanks so much, Cindy! ❤
You’re so welcome David💞
You made what sounds like a difficult form, sound easy, David. I think your Papa would be proud of you. 💜
❤ Colleen ❤ ~ that's a nice thought; thank you!
You’re most welcome and deserving!
What? There’s a thread?
Great job on the form.
❤ Debi ❤ ~ thank you!
I actually think winging it is the way to go. You experience so much more that way. (K)
❤ Kerfe ❤ ~ thank you… I appreciate that a lot.
I love this one. The form is cool; I like the rhythm. I think you executed it very well. 👏
❤ Brandon ❤ ~ thanks so much 🙂