Update: relief and guilt

As some of you know, I have been working at three jobs (one full-time, two part-time) since I began my new, full-time job back in early May. One of my two part-time jobs is my work for my rabbi, whom I’ve been working for since 2010; the other part-time job is for my former full-time employer – a small NGO that advocates for religious freedom in Israel.

While I support my former place of employment with all my heart, both in terms of its mission and in terms of my deep affection for the people who work there, I have come to realize that there is too much stress involved for me in balancing three jobs and fatherhood, not to mention my creative writing and blogging.

I feel guilty about this because I know that nobody else at the NGO has my skillset, and it will not be easy to find a replacement for me who’s interested in working at a non-profit salary. Also, a lot of the technology we use, including the website and various mini-sites, is severely outdated and beyond even my technical skillset to revamp, which means that a new employee would have to learn and adapt to all of the “band-aid” solutions to various technical limitations that I’ve come up with over the years.

Ultimately, as a small NGO, I think the biggest problem the organization faces is funding, which is why I feel bad about my decision to leave. If more funding were available, they could hire someone to create new website(s) for them that work well; look modern; are compatible with today’s cell phones; don’t suffer from technical problems; and are therefore easy for anyone with a basic skillset in online communications to update.

Nevertheless, I feel that this is a necessary decision for me to make. My time and energy are limited, as are everyone’s; and I’ve been feeling worn out. Something must give, and of my various responsibilities, this is the one that I can least justify to myself, as I’ve continued working for this NGO mostly for the organization’s sake, rather than for mine.

If I wasn’t feeling so exhausted, I would continue working there part-time and providing them with those technical “band-aid” solutions. However, after six months of doing work for the organization in a part-time capacity, I’ve come to feel that this arrangement is unhealthy for me.

As such, I have given notice to my part-time employer; I will work there until the end of 2022 and not renew my contract for the following year. This will allow them more than two months to search for a replacement for me, which I hope will be enough.

52 thoughts on “Update: relief and guilt”

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