One death at a time, please

Should I have recited kaddish for Babushka? Babushka Masha z"l This post is one that I deliberately did not write during my year of mourning for Papa because I felt guilty for going against my rabbi's guidance, especially after I had sought it. During the year following my father's death, I was challenging myself to… Continue reading One death at a time, please

My lack of reverence

I used to have reverence for rabbis, but I barely remember it. Last night I was at a wonderful rooftop get-together for a friend of mine ('C5') who just recently made Aliyah (repatriated to Israel as a Jew). It was lovely, particularly for me because I've been spending a lot of time with my daughter… Continue reading My lack of reverence

Hey, look at me! I’m honoring Papa!

My second annual kiddush on Shabbat in memory of Papa was a success. Our early morning prayer community isn't very big (because not a lot of people like waking up so early on Saturdays), and therefore our kiddushes are intimate affairs of twenty to thirty people. By those metrics, the attendance on Saturday was great.… Continue reading Hey, look at me! I’m honoring Papa!

Because God

It is this, my blogging project, which truly makes daily shul attendance tolerable. It is the reading, the feeling, the thinking, the learning, the weaving… Suddenly, I’ve realized: my study and reflection sustain my practice. What shall I do with myself when kaddish has ended? What shall I do with my Judaism? -'Skeptic's Kaddish' (#25),… Continue reading Because God

The skeptic’s kaddish for the atheist, 50

Papa's first yahrzeit fell out on the Shabbat before last. So... what did marking this date change for me? * * * Some things are inevitable. Even before learning anything meaningful or interesting about the orphan's kaddish, I knew that I would attend minyan every day to recite it for Papa. I also knew that this… Continue reading The skeptic’s kaddish for the atheist, 50

The skeptic’s kaddish for the atheist, 42

Eleven months of kaddish recitations end for me on May 28 (Iyyar 23); I have been at the grind for ten months (10 ÷ 11 ≈ 91%). The grief is unabating. I remain shattered and scattered. Last summer, I couldn't bring myself to pour my endless despair out upon anyone. Having returned home to Jerusalem in July… Continue reading The skeptic’s kaddish for the atheist, 42